Slow Mo White and the Hunstman

I'm going to go into this saying that I really wanted to like this movie. I mean, REALLY, wanted to. I've been following production ever since I heard that Chris Hemsworth was going to be in a Snow White movie. (While we're talking about Hemsworth I'll just get this out here. HE WAS THOR AND IT WAS AWESOME.) The trailers only perked my interests more, and that mirror coming out of the wall only got me MORE excited. So you could say I had some expectations for the film. That was my first mistake: Expecting something. I feel like if I hadn't had any preconceived notions about the movie, I would have liked it more.

   Its hard to just break down the parts of Snow White because there is some great work, there's some mediocre stuff, and then there is some downright crap. So I'll steal a format from a blog I read (The Human Scorch you're interested) and break it down into the Good, the Meh, and the Bad. We'll start with the good.

The Good

There was a lot of stuff that I actually liked in the movie (That's right Transformer's fans. I like stuff) 

-Charlize Theron/ The Evil Queen

Just look at her! The woman radiates hate. The reason I liked The Queen so much is because they gave her a REASON to be evil. She has motivation. It wasn't "Well, her name has Evil in it right? She's gotta be evil." They made me think what I would do if I had been in her shoes. (Heels?) Also, Charlize Theron is great in almost everything, and she is just downright gorgeous. She gave the best performance of the movie, and made it able to sit through.

Ultimate Thor?

-Hemsworth

I'm not going to lie, I thought that Hemsworth would just be playing Thor in a different universe. Boy was I wrong. His character was really poorly written, and he didn't have much to work with dialogue wise, but he gave a splendid performance, and he is just downright gorgeous. I was really impressed with a monologue he gives near the end of the movie, it had me tearing up. Fair, its not hard to do, but after the mood this movie put me in, I thought I would only cry if I looked up the run time.

The only other thing I like would spoil the only part of the movie that I actually cared about so I'll hold off for that. Lets just say there was a writing move that was incredibly smart but also obvious.

The Meh

I'm about to blow all of your minds...

-Kristen Stewart

That's right ladies and gents, Kristen Stewart get a "meh." She was not half bad, and needless to say,  I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't absolutely hate her like I did in Twilight, but she didn't give a good performance. I was among the many skeptics of Kristen Stewart as Snow White, and I was proved wrong. She made the role her own and even though I wasn't crazy about what she did with it, she did what she could with the awkward writing and I was content. 

This may be wrong...

-The Dwarves

These (Not really) little guys were the most fun the movie allowed itself to have. While their entrance is really late, when they do enter, you pay attention to nothing else. My main problem lies with their lack of use. They were kind of just...there. They show up, you like it, and then you wonder when they'll become relevent. Spoiler Alert: They don't. The performances were great, the costumes were unsettling but brilliant, they just weren't used in anyway at all, and it felt like they were only there because they had to be. 

-The Action

For a movie that marketed itself as a gritty, dark retelling, the grittiness and darkness were kept pretty low. I mean, yes, there are action sequences (That are drawn out by ridiculous amounts of slow mo.) They're all pretty basic and nothing too impressive. Most of the time I was thinking "What is this black glass and where is it coming from?" I wasn't disappointed with the amount of action, I was disappointed that it was all so unoriginal. Nothing spectacular happens, I seriously almost fell asleep in one of the "action" sequences. 

The Bad

-Basic Storytelling

Here's how things usually progress in a movie.

1.Something is shown, or hinted at but never explained.

2. The thing is explained and it provides insight to a character or adds an element to the plot.

Here's how it goes in Snow White and the Huntsman.

1. Something is shown, or hinted at but never explained.

There are so many great B-plots running throughout this movie and none of it is ever explored. I got invested in so many interesting elements in the story, and then I get no explanation what so ever. The best example I can think of is the Queen's backstory. The dialogue makes many references to why she does what she does, we even get a cool flashback sequence of her childhood, and then the whole things is dropped and never revisited. There were a lot of really predictable story elements that took up more time than needed and the potentially cool elements took backseat. 

Romance can only be SO interesting!

"I've had enough with the Hawkeye jokes."

-William  

Who is this guy and why was he here? He provided nothing to the plot, not a darn thing. He was there to shoot a bow, so instead of cool axe work by the Hunstman we get arrow shooting, and not cool arrow shooting, just basic archery. I thought he might cause a love triangle between Snow White, The Huntsman (Thats his name.) and William, but if it did, they picked it up for like a minute and a half then dropped it.

"You know I had to appear in the bad section, right?"

-Snow White

Why is she so darn special? I was never told why Snow White was the only way for the Queen to fail. There was nothing spectacular about her birth , no spell, no enchantment, no connection between her and the Queen what so ever! One of the dwarves says "She is life." (Or something like that.) Why? She has nothing special about her! The only thing that they mention setting her apart from other people is her beauty, and if that saves lives then Charlize Theron should have been the one saving people! Not that Kristen Stewart isn't attractive, I just wouldn't be able to close her mouth, and not because she talks a lot, she just doesn't seem to have the ability to close it. 

-SLOW MOTION 

Whoever directed this jumbled mess must have gone to the Michael Bay School of Art and majored in slow  mo. It was used in every fight scene. It gets old within the first 15 minutes of the movie and it just keeps coming. There was one fight that had a slow motion hit, five seconds of normal speed fighting, and then more slow mo. It drove me absolutely insane.

All in all, not a horrible movie, I would rather watch it than Battleship (Before you ask, No.) but I wish I hadn't spent 7 dollars on it. I really can't suggest this to many people because the different parts of it are so ranged in quality. Chris Hemsworth fans go, I'm sure Twilight fans would eat this crap up (even though there are no shirtless wolves.) and if you like being bored for 50% of a movie, you'll enjoy Snow White and the Huntsman. This guy didn't enjoy it, and gives it a whopping 5/10. Next up. Men in Black 3, or is it Men in Black Cubed? 

Sucker Punch

Chris Nolan meet your maker. Mr. Zack Snyder! The man is a genius and this film only proves it, he directed a film that was cheesy as Switzerland but the most visually stunning film I've ever laid eyes on until today. You probably kick things yelling this phrase and you'll know what movie I'm referring to: Now this film isn't a 360 from 300 its more like a 180, you'll see why.

First lets get the obvious out of the way, this movie was made to make money. It was the perfect plan put attractive young women wearing near to nothing and blow stuff up. How can you beat that well I'll tell you how, you make it question reality, and you make the movie realistic I'll admit that the only reason I went to see this was to see some of Snyder's work, as he will be directing the nearest and dearest franchise to my heart, Superman. After the first 30 minutes of this movie I was ready to give up and realize that the new Superman movie would be composed of nothing but action and thats not what Superman is about, but George Michael, not Arrested Development version, said once or maybe close to 100 times "You gotta have faith." Am I glad I took that catchy 80's song's advice.


Below Here is What happens in the Movie! Jump to the next bold sentence if you don't want anything to be spoiled!

The movie starts very suddenly i thought that it was another trailer until I saw the Title appear. So then the real fun begins our hero, Baby Doll, is taken to an Insane Asylum where she overhears the "warden" or something talking with her father about Baby Doll, "forgetting everything." We soon learn what he was talking about and Baby is under the needle ,literally, Jon Hamm is about to hammer a needle into her face, it called a lobotomy look it up. But just as soon as she is about to feel the needles point she takes of her wig and ages 15 years. What actually happens is Baby Doll has retreated far into her own subconscious and makes a world for herself, remember that phrase. She puts herself in a strip club, do I smell more $$$? She is being forced to dance there and meets 4 other "dancers" Rocket, Amber, Blondie, and Sweet Pea. Now we see all these girls in the Asylum before Baby has retreated into her mind. Now when Baby Doll is forced to dance she goes further into her subconscious, she is using her imagination.



Then comes Level 1...erm I mean the first fight scene. Now is where it gets good. Baby meets a strang man that look like a David Carradine imposter. He gives Baby her weapons and tells her that her journey has begun. Then 3 giant monsters come out of nowhere and start attacking and the Stranger leaves him with these words, "And one more thing: Defend yourself." Then begins the most stylistic, realistic, beautiful, artistic, and a thousand other adjectives, fight scene that I've even seen. You want more but it all ends too quickly. After the three monsters are defeated the stranger tells Baby that she need 5 things fire, a knife, a map, a key, and a mystery thing that only she can achieve. Now it really is a Video Game but I s wear if it ended like this I would shoot someone in the face.



Then she come back to "reality" and everyone is clapping. Apparently she's given the most raw and beautiful dance that anyone has even seen so she figures she can use that ability to get the 5 items. She remembers seeing 4 of the items and recruits the other 4 girls to help her get them. Then ensues the next 3 levels, exposition on how they will get the item, a fight scene that is a metaphor for Baby Doll's dancing and the other's stealing the item, then the "warden" guy in his new club owner form trying to figure out what the heck is going on. Another thing that remains the same is the man that gave Baby her weapons gives the whole team orders and their mission objective. It may seem repetitive but the fight scenes make it worth it, every fight scene is based off a popular movie or something. We already had a Kung-Fu movie fight, then we have a sci-fi robot fight that references iRobot and Terminator (minus Ahnold)a WWII with Nazi Zombies fight, then in the best knock of of anything I've seen in my life a Lord of the Rings fight.

So they have the knife, fire, and the map. Here's where some serious acting chops come out of all parties. So Warden/Club Owner figures out their plan and Rocket gets killed. Everyone freaks out and realizes that the warden/owner knows they're plan and everyone cries. They sit there and cry. Its the most tense I've ever been in a movie before. They are all alone, isolation is the only word I can think of. Well Baby Doll is about to be sold to some "Highroller" who is Jon Hamm's uncontentious alter ego. Ths warden/Owner figures out the escape plan and kills everyone minus Baby and Sweet Pea. And just as Warden/Owner gives some creepy speech about being in a sandbox and want to play with his toys he grabs Baby Doll and tries to rape her, but she delivers a cheesy one liner and stabs him in shoulder and grabs the key. 4/5 items, she makes a break gets Sweet Pea and the plan is in action, they start a fire to automatically open all electronically sealed doors and the 2 get outside. What happens for the last 20 minutes is the most mind blowing ending of a movie in the last year. There's a group of men outside and Baby realizes that she is the last item and sacrifices herself to save Sweet Pea.When the gets shot it flashed back to Jon Hamm hitting the needle into Baby's face. Making her forget everything. We then find out that everything that happened in Baby's mind happened in real life. The warden get caught making out with an unconscious Baby and is taken to jail but yo can tell that Baby's mind if gone. Then we see Sweet Pea getting on a bus and guess who the driver is? Yuo David Carradine look-a-like! He apparently knows all about the things that went on at the asylum and give Sweet Pea a free ride.




Okay You can start reading again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The movie leaves us with a message it asks who controls the world we live in? Who assigns the steps for the dance? Then it says one simple word. You!

The movie is solid. Its like a puzzle you don't have the box too. At first you struggle to understand what's happening but if you're patient you can figure it out. The visual effects are outstanding, and the acting is raw and real. But the one thing I like most about this movie was its realism. Die Hard is awesome because John McClaine is just a normal cop doing exta-normal things. So, people can retreat into their minds and visualize situations and help get them accomplished. Imagination is a lost art these days and this movie makes imagination cool again! I give this a good 9.5 out of 10 go see it if your on the fence just be ready to think and let your mind melt with another's imagination.


"Who chains us... and who holds the key that can set us free? It's you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!" -Sweet Pea