Slow Mo White and the Hunstman

I'm going to go into this saying that I really wanted to like this movie. I mean, REALLY, wanted to. I've been following production ever since I heard that Chris Hemsworth was going to be in a Snow White movie. (While we're talking about Hemsworth I'll just get this out here. HE WAS THOR AND IT WAS AWESOME.) The trailers only perked my interests more, and that mirror coming out of the wall only got me MORE excited. So you could say I had some expectations for the film. That was my first mistake: Expecting something. I feel like if I hadn't had any preconceived notions about the movie, I would have liked it more.

   Its hard to just break down the parts of Snow White because there is some great work, there's some mediocre stuff, and then there is some downright crap. So I'll steal a format from a blog I read (The Human Scorch you're interested) and break it down into the Good, the Meh, and the Bad. We'll start with the good.

The Good

There was a lot of stuff that I actually liked in the movie (That's right Transformer's fans. I like stuff) 

-Charlize Theron/ The Evil Queen

Just look at her! The woman radiates hate. The reason I liked The Queen so much is because they gave her a REASON to be evil. She has motivation. It wasn't "Well, her name has Evil in it right? She's gotta be evil." They made me think what I would do if I had been in her shoes. (Heels?) Also, Charlize Theron is great in almost everything, and she is just downright gorgeous. She gave the best performance of the movie, and made it able to sit through.

Ultimate Thor?

-Hemsworth

I'm not going to lie, I thought that Hemsworth would just be playing Thor in a different universe. Boy was I wrong. His character was really poorly written, and he didn't have much to work with dialogue wise, but he gave a splendid performance, and he is just downright gorgeous. I was really impressed with a monologue he gives near the end of the movie, it had me tearing up. Fair, its not hard to do, but after the mood this movie put me in, I thought I would only cry if I looked up the run time.

The only other thing I like would spoil the only part of the movie that I actually cared about so I'll hold off for that. Lets just say there was a writing move that was incredibly smart but also obvious.

The Meh

I'm about to blow all of your minds...

-Kristen Stewart

That's right ladies and gents, Kristen Stewart get a "meh." She was not half bad, and needless to say,  I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't absolutely hate her like I did in Twilight, but she didn't give a good performance. I was among the many skeptics of Kristen Stewart as Snow White, and I was proved wrong. She made the role her own and even though I wasn't crazy about what she did with it, she did what she could with the awkward writing and I was content. 

This may be wrong...

-The Dwarves

These (Not really) little guys were the most fun the movie allowed itself to have. While their entrance is really late, when they do enter, you pay attention to nothing else. My main problem lies with their lack of use. They were kind of just...there. They show up, you like it, and then you wonder when they'll become relevent. Spoiler Alert: They don't. The performances were great, the costumes were unsettling but brilliant, they just weren't used in anyway at all, and it felt like they were only there because they had to be. 

-The Action

For a movie that marketed itself as a gritty, dark retelling, the grittiness and darkness were kept pretty low. I mean, yes, there are action sequences (That are drawn out by ridiculous amounts of slow mo.) They're all pretty basic and nothing too impressive. Most of the time I was thinking "What is this black glass and where is it coming from?" I wasn't disappointed with the amount of action, I was disappointed that it was all so unoriginal. Nothing spectacular happens, I seriously almost fell asleep in one of the "action" sequences. 

The Bad

-Basic Storytelling

Here's how things usually progress in a movie.

1.Something is shown, or hinted at but never explained.

2. The thing is explained and it provides insight to a character or adds an element to the plot.

Here's how it goes in Snow White and the Huntsman.

1. Something is shown, or hinted at but never explained.

There are so many great B-plots running throughout this movie and none of it is ever explored. I got invested in so many interesting elements in the story, and then I get no explanation what so ever. The best example I can think of is the Queen's backstory. The dialogue makes many references to why she does what she does, we even get a cool flashback sequence of her childhood, and then the whole things is dropped and never revisited. There were a lot of really predictable story elements that took up more time than needed and the potentially cool elements took backseat. 

Romance can only be SO interesting!

"I've had enough with the Hawkeye jokes."

-William  

Who is this guy and why was he here? He provided nothing to the plot, not a darn thing. He was there to shoot a bow, so instead of cool axe work by the Hunstman we get arrow shooting, and not cool arrow shooting, just basic archery. I thought he might cause a love triangle between Snow White, The Huntsman (Thats his name.) and William, but if it did, they picked it up for like a minute and a half then dropped it.

"You know I had to appear in the bad section, right?"

-Snow White

Why is she so darn special? I was never told why Snow White was the only way for the Queen to fail. There was nothing spectacular about her birth , no spell, no enchantment, no connection between her and the Queen what so ever! One of the dwarves says "She is life." (Or something like that.) Why? She has nothing special about her! The only thing that they mention setting her apart from other people is her beauty, and if that saves lives then Charlize Theron should have been the one saving people! Not that Kristen Stewart isn't attractive, I just wouldn't be able to close her mouth, and not because she talks a lot, she just doesn't seem to have the ability to close it. 

-SLOW MOTION 

Whoever directed this jumbled mess must have gone to the Michael Bay School of Art and majored in slow  mo. It was used in every fight scene. It gets old within the first 15 minutes of the movie and it just keeps coming. There was one fight that had a slow motion hit, five seconds of normal speed fighting, and then more slow mo. It drove me absolutely insane.

All in all, not a horrible movie, I would rather watch it than Battleship (Before you ask, No.) but I wish I hadn't spent 7 dollars on it. I really can't suggest this to many people because the different parts of it are so ranged in quality. Chris Hemsworth fans go, I'm sure Twilight fans would eat this crap up (even though there are no shirtless wolves.) and if you like being bored for 50% of a movie, you'll enjoy Snow White and the Huntsman. This guy didn't enjoy it, and gives it a whopping 5/10. Next up. Men in Black 3, or is it Men in Black Cubed?