Iron MacGyver 3

It that time of year folks! I can smell the popcorn, see the special effects and hear the groans of disgruntled fans. Yes sir, it is summer movie season and I couldn't be more excited. What we have in May is three consecutive weeks of some of the summers most anticipated movie. The follow-up to the record smashing performance of The Avengers, Iron Man 3. The ever delayed classic, The Great Gatsby. And the ever elusive, long awaited sequel, Star Trek Into Darkness. The first three weeks of May could be pure heaven or  pure disappointment, and we are not starting off so hot. This years summer reviews is kicked off with Iron Man 3. Here we go.

WARNING SPOILERS BELOW THIS LINE

Let me start out saying that there is no way that this movie can get a FULLY objective view from me. I read comic books, I analyze the comic book genre to a maybe extreme extent, and worst of all, I got spoiled. Reading some articles online, I accidentally read a MAJOR, MAJOR plot point of the movie, but we'll get to that later. So I recognize now that I cannot give this movie a completely fair shake. But on with the show!

Like 90's RDJ snap

This movie gave us the best picture of Tony Stark that we have ever gotten. Every aspect of his personality is showcased in this film and that is where the strongest moments of the film bud from. In the movie, Iron Man is under pressure by a new terrorist threat in the form of The Mandarin. A shady figure who is bombing people left and right, and challenging people to stop him. He is a mastermind, he hijacks America's broadcasting networks to show his bone chilling "lessons" in real time. Colonel James Rhodes, AKA War Machine AKA Iron Patriot is just awaiting orders to go after him. Meanwhile, Tony Stark is competing for the attention of Pepper Potts from the charming, handsome Aldrich Killian, played to perfection by Guy Pearce. Tony is obsessed with perfecting the Iron Man armor and is already up to the Mark 42  On top of all that, Tony is having anxiety attacks from his experiences in New York during the events of The Avengers. All this is weighing down heavily on him and it only takes a little bit for him to snap.

Eventually the Chinese Theatre is bombed by The Mandarin, and Happy Hogan, Tony's ex-bodyguard is caught in the blast. After this Tony personally challenges The Mandarin and even gives him his home address.  Stark goes home and starts to unravel the details behind The Mandarin bombings. He figures out that there are no bombs being used but he isn't sure how the explosions are being caused. Enter Maya Hansen, the brilliant inventor of the Extremis Virus, and one of Tony's old flames. When she arrives, so do the Mandarin's men. Tony's house is attacked and he only has the prototype Mark 42 to save him. Maya and Pepper barely escape and Tony is presumed dead. 

In reality, Tony's armor saved him and Jarvis, the best character of the whole movie sends hom on a flight pattern to a bomb sight that matched the one of the Chinese Theater. Then Tony walks around with the armor. We get some cool snow shots and he eventually finds a cabin. In looks all well and good but there's one catch. There is a child actor in it!

These always work out well!

Extremis Victim #1

So, Tony sets up shop in there so he can try and repair his heavily damaged Mark 42. While he's trying to repair it, he's also investigating the bomb sight. He soon gets a file from one of the victims mom or something. This part of the movie goes by pretty fast, because there's no explosions or anything so the director wouldn't want us to get bored. This is when the movie starts to get great. Tony figures out that the "victim" of the bombing was actually the bomb and Extremis, the virus developed by Maya Hansen, is being weaponized and used to make killing machine who glow ORANGE! 

Tony of course gets attacked by the Orange Man Group. But oh no! He doesn't have his armor! Whatever is he to do? You know what he does, he man's up, show the audience that the man makes the suit and not the other way around by taking out the Orange Assassins with nothing but some dog tags and some kitchen appliances. This started the best part of the whole film, which was Tony Stark being a genius and not relying on his suit. He tracks the Mandarins broadcast signal with Rhodey's help and sets out to take him down,  suitless. Tony goes to a hardware store and pretty much just acts like the bad-a he his and makes weapons out of household items. He storms the Mandarin's villa and takes out all these guards with nothing but a nail gun, a taser, and like a hot iron on a glove or something... I don't know but it was awesome. Then IT happens. 

Tony has taken out the guards, the suspense music starts, he rounds a corner and sees an empty bed. He raises a gun and pulls the sheets back and who is it? Thats right! It's hookers... Wait? What? Then THE line happens, and the snowball effect takes hold of this movie and virtually slaps Iron Man's arch-nemesis in the face. A toilet flushes, The Mandarin appears and says "I wouldn't go in there for at least 15 minutes." 

Yep. Let me say that again. The Mandarin emerges, the villain that has been teased since Iron Man 1, Iron Man's most intimidating foe, steps out of a bathroom and makes a fart joke.

Your team mates are ashamed of your movie, Tony.

Sigh...The Mandarin is actually an actor named Trevor, who is British, and addicted to drugs, and is pretty much used for 12 year old potty humor. And he was hired by ALDRICH KILLIAN! Oh, everyone? Okay.  I couldn't tell you much about this scene because I left during it. Watching The Mandarin be made a mockery like that was too cringe worthy for me and I couldn't stand it. 

Listen people, this is Iron Man's greatest adversary, and he is sitting in front of Iron Man talking to him like a bro. Some people say "He wasn't The Mandarin!" No, he was. He had 10 rings, he dressed like The Mandarin and he was opposing Iron Man. 

Like a mirror, right?

"Here's my agent's card."

Some people tell me, "Aldrich Killian is the REAL Mandarin." No he didn't act like THe Mandarin, dress like The Mandarin, or do anything Mandarin-esque. He was a cop-out plain and simple. Imagine this: One hour into The Dark Knight, The Joker takes his make-up off and says, "Sorry about that rank fart I just laid Batman, also Falcone hired me to trick the other mob bosses" Then at the end Robert Falcone fights Batman and exclaims, "I AM THE JOKER!" Does that make Falcone the Joker? He pulled the strings but he didn't have the make-up or the gag weapons? Its the same concept. The Mandarin WAS The Mandarin because he acted like the Mandarin. Its simple. That ruined the film for me, I no longer saw the film as a comic book movie. It was a generic action movie using Marvel characters that Shane Black can do what he wants with. I hope Shane Black stay far away from the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the rest of the heroes rouges galleries are kept in tact.

"Come at me Shane."

The rest of the movie is pretty much just a blur to me, I was too caught up in The Mandarin twist to really see stuff happen. I know Pepper, Rhodey, and the President are captured by The Mandarin but Tony's armor flies across the country and latches onto him. (I thought it was broken? Whatever.)  Then there's the cool Air Force One save, and then the throwdown between all the Orange Glowstick Gang and Killian happens on a boat. And a bunch of Iron Man suits fight an Extremis induced Killian. 

I kind of snapped back into movie watching mode when Pepper came  back into the film, Paltrow has a way with owning scenes. Pepper is hanging on a ledge and she has to trust Tony to catch her, with no suit, It was a really touching moment. Then, she falls 200 feet into flames to her death only to make an easily foreseeable comeback later. Moment. Wasted. 

Tony fights Killian, some more bad comedy happens and Tony pushes him off a building or something, I don't really know. In the final confrontation Tony seems to be beaten and Killian approaches him and says "You want The Mandarin? I AM the Mandarin." Pepper emerges from the flames! She was infected with Extremis and her body healed she gets a Iron Man suit on and kills the main villain of the movie. Yep. The main villain of the last Iron Man solo movie is killed by Iron Man's girlfriend. So there you go.

After that, Tony somehow cures Extremis. He gets his arc reactor removed and a bunch of story lines are dropped. Like Tony's anxiety? He fights a battle surrounded by a ton of explosions JUST like in The Avengers and that triggers nothing? It is never resolved in the film and Tony simply states what we all knew, the even though he is a changed man, he is "Still Iron Man."

SPOILERS ARE NOW OVER! READ FOR WRAP UP AND RATING!

Iron Man 3 makes me realized a fear of mine. That the more popular comic book movies get, the more that they will deviate from their source material and that really bums me out. I really expected more respect of their source than Marvel gave us and that's just sad. 

Overall, this movie had some really good elements. We got to see a very vulnerable Tony Stark. His ingenuity and, MacGyver inventions were greatly entertaining. All the performances were great, save one that seemed a bit wasted. The first hour of this film was the beginning to a perfect Iron Man film, but then we hit that point of no return and its all downhill from there. It really stopped being an Iron Man movie and became just another action movie.

The comedy was hit and miss for me. Tony's usual snark was spot on. His interactions with the kid were perfect. The Mandarin scene was disgusting and obviously written for people who are going to see Hangover Part III this summer. A lot of it seemed ill timed, where the movie should have been tense or suspenseful there was a joke. The score seemed almost non-existent, I don;t remember a single note of it.

In the end, the good of this movie is overshadowed by it blatant disrespect of the Iron Man comic books and the rushed ending. 

As an action movie, it was really good. I'll give it a 8/10.

As a comic book movie, it was meh. I'll give it a 6/10.

As an Iron Man movie, it was disrespectful to the fans. 4/10

I know that I'm in the minority that did not enjoy this movie but that's fine, I am not new to being called out on my movie tastes. (Transformers fans.)

Next Week The Great Gatsby! 

The Thanksgiving Weekend Rundown

This Thanksgiving break I felt like a real, professional movie reviewer. I say that because I have seen four movies in the last seven days and it has been a blast. 2012, what I thought was going to be just an okay movie year is shaping up to be incredible. The last four movies I saw, though not all major Oscar contenders, have all been great movies.Although, I do expect to see a lot of them at the Academy Awards this year. So, instead of writing four lengthy reviews I'm going to do a Thanksgiving break rundown with a small review and a rating of each movie I saw, in the order I saw them. Most of these movies are new to theatres, save Wreck-It-Ralph, so you'll have time to go catch them.

First up the 23rd addition to one of the longest film franchises in history (50 years). That's correct its Daniel Craig returning as James Blonde Bond, in SKYFALL.

I won't lie, I'm a little biased towards the Bond franchise because I've been watching it since I was a small child. I don't know if that makes me judge it easier or harsher, so you let me know. As far as Skyfall is concerned, I loved it. It was one of those action films that didn't rely on action sequences to make it  a good film. I'm convinced that it could be a good film even if you left out every action sequence. Its the first Bond film in the Craig era (Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace, and Skyfall) to heavily rely on the acting and the story to keep the movie going. The other two films seemed to be action sequences with story to connect them all, where Skyfall is a story that has acion sequences connected to it. With this one marking the 50th anniversary of cinematic Bond, there were some great homages to the old films, but not so many that its overwhelming. The best part of this movie is the relationships formed between characters. We finally get to see how Bond relates with other people and how they relate to him , its the most realistic Bond movie in that sense. The best performance of the movie was Javier Bardem. He was absolutely phenomenal. Every time he was on screen I was nervous for everyone else, he had such a demanding presence on the screen. He was constantly doing little mannerisms that made his scenes completely unsettling for the viewer, he may be the best Bond villain of all time. Overall Sykfall gets a 8.5/10. I would give it a perfect but it was far from the perfect film and it sometimes relies to heavily on the "Bond" checklist to be a exceptional film.

The second movie I saw this week was The Life of Pi, once again I'm biased since I read the book, but I was definitely going into this movie very critical, some might say overly critical (Transformers fans.)

The Life of Pi has a fairly simple plot, a boy fights for survival on the Pacific ocean while in the company of a Bengal Tiger. This movie was gorgeous. The CGI on the animals was full proof, the way the ocean and the sky would reflect perfectly, the trippy vision thing, that crazy whale scene, they were all so beautiful. I cannot compliment the creators enough they made one of the prettiest films I have ever seen. It was such a visual film I was overwhelmed at some points. The acting was also superb, Irrfan Khan who plays older Pi, the main character, was genius. He was so emotionally involved in his own story that it forced the audience to be emotionally involved. And newcomer Suraj Sharma, who played Pi through out most the film was, incredible. I believed the helplessness in his eyes, anything he did onscreen I understood why her doing that action. Look out for this kid in the coming years. Overall I'll give Life of Pi a 8/10 there were parts of it that lost my attention and also the filmmakers could have handled some situations better, that I can't tell you about because spoilers.

Hold on, we're halfway there. Get ready to hear me gush, because I saw one of the greatest films ever crafted by human beings this week and I'm about to tell you about it.

10/10 I'm just going to say that now. Lincoln was the perfect film, there was not one thing that Steven Spielberg or anyone else could have done to make it better. The cast is the greatest ensemble of actors I have ever seen assembled, headed by the phenomenal Daniel Day-Lewis who is the one of the greatest actors to ever do be a part of film making. Everyone gave a perfect performance, I have no criticism for any of the acting in that movie, it drove the entire film. The best part of the movie is that it didn't rely on any gimmicks or "smoke and mirrors" as my brother would say. It relied on two things and two things only, the story and the people telling it. I'm telling you, they all did such a fantastic job that I was worried about the 13th amendment getting passed. I know full well that slavery is illegal but this movie and those actors did such a great job that I was so enveloped in the story, that things that I knew were going to happen became suspenseful. So, a perfect 10 for Steven Spielberg and I will see you at the Academy Awards sir, on stage, for best picture.

The last movie I saw was no Lincoln, but it was one of the funniest films I have seen this year, Wreck-It-Ralph.

Can I start by saying that I love Disney. I'll just do it, Disney I love you. You will not allow a bad movie to go through your studio, every movie you make you genuinely think that kids and their parents can enjoy your movies, you don't just make good children's films, you make great films. It's always hard to review animated movies because a large chunk of the live-action movie making process is gone. I will say that the voive acting in this was phenomenal. I have never liked John C. Reilly (Ralph) more than I like him here. Sarah Silverman, (Vanellope) Jack McBrayer (Fix-It Felix, Jr.) and Jane Lynch (Calhoun) were all great. The hard part about animation is making me care about a bunch of computer code that is told to make a character move around and move its mouth and Wreck-It Ralph's cast did that, I really cared about all the characters. I was emotionally involved with all of their stories and that's a hard thing to do. The plot was smart, and the jokes were clever, especially for video game fans, like me. I laughed harder at obscure video game jokes than I did anything else, but the non-video game humor was good too, you don't have to be a video game nerd to like it. I'll give it an 8/10.

So that's the film rundown, this has been a phenomenal season for film and things are only looking up. The first part of The Hobbit looks great and one of the only films that looks like it can rival Lincoln at the Oscars in Les Miserables.

Feel free to comment, agree, disagree, what you want to see reviews of. Thank for reading!

MiB No Longer MiA

The Men in Back are black (Wait...) and in full swing for Round 3. The first Men in Black film is a movie that I remember watching many times as a child so I have strong ties to the series. I had a few doubts going into this movie mainly due to my connection to the first movie, the quality of the second, and the time span between the movies. (15 years) But none of this mattered because all these doubts were put down early and I was able to get involved and just enjoy the film.


The first part I want to hit on is the story. I really don't expect much going into a MiB movie plot wise. Usually, an alien needs something to destroy the world and they have to go through K (Incredibly grumpy Tommy Lee Jones)  and J (Will Smith) to get it, investigations and memory wipes ensue, and eventually our boys in black nab the bad guys...aliens. This is not one of those stories. The first unique part about it is that the main antagonist, Boris the Animal, an alien with goggles for eyes and a creepy spider thing living in his hand isn't after the earth, he has a personal vendetta against Agent K. By making the villain intentions personal, it makes the overall conflict more personal to the viewer. The other great thing about is putting our protagonist in a uncomfortable situation, that's a reason that the first film was so entertaining. In the original J is thrust into a world full of intergalactic beings, in the third he's thrust into a world that has just been thrust into a world of intergalactic beings. It brings a freshness that the second film was lacking. The lack of Michael Jackson helped too...

I guess he didn't get enough alien joke...

The next part that strengthened the movie was all the actors performances. Needless to say, Josh Brolin gives the 

performance of a lifetime as Young Agent K. Its brilliant 
because he is Agent K, but before Agent K became so surly, and, well, old. He has fun with the role and makes K a womanizing guy who really enjoys other people, and you get to see why K is the way that he is. Will Smith is great as usual, the only thing he lacked was a rap song to play during the credits. (Yes, I was actually disappointed by that.) Jemaine Clement, of Flight of the Conchords fame, plays the main antagonist Boris. He is surprisingly not a comedic character at all, he maybe has one funny scene. It was really interesting to see Clement out of his usually element.  The best character and actor in the movie came out of a new character named, Griffin, a 5th dimensional alien who can see every thing going on in every timeline at the same time, sort of like a Time Lord. 

"Every timeline, you say?"

He gives the most beautiful delivery, every line is spoken with the wonder and enjoyment of a kid in an incredible yet unfamiliar place, it really is spectacular.








The time travel was handled brilliantly. Usually in a film that  hasn't used time travel before, they find a way to muck the time stream up and never address how it was repaired. This is not so in MiB3. The movie gets wrapped up really well, and the time stream is in tack. The continuity fits flawlessly with the first movie, which was made 15 years ago, I find that seriously impressive. Some movies make sequels a year later with no time travel and they still can't keep the continuity between the series. 


There were only two things that I really had a problem with in the film. The first is really minor but it still was bothersome. In the first movie they make K seem like he's still in love with his wife from his previous life pre-MiB. In the second movie, his wife is written out and its revealed that he was in love with a princess from another planet. In this movie its shown that he and Agent O (The Beautiful Emma Thompson/Alice Eve) had at least a fling. The character established in the first film does not seem like one that would jump from woman to woman so frequently, his younger more Josh Brolin-y self, maybe, but not the aged Tommy Lee Agent K. That is a really minor thing but can we not just establish a love interest for these characters and leave them? Not one female lea has lasted more than one movie, and that is really odd to me.

The other thing I disliked is a pretty major writing thing that could have been presented better in all three movies. Spoilers for all 3 movies ahead, consider yourself warned. In the first movie everyone is after a galaxy on Orion's Belt which turns out to be in a jewel on a cat's collar. In MiB2 they're looking for "The Light of (Some Alien Planet)" which is thought to be on a jewel on a necklace when really thats just a sign to were the Light is. Still jewelry holding the key to the main plot of the movie. Now, in the third Agent J and K have to find the ArcNet which is a fields that protect Earth from alien invasions. This is kept inside of a pocket watch or locket or something. I mean really? We HAD to store it in some kind of jewelry?

That's what I call original writing!

Overall, it was a really fun time. You get some good alien busting, some good laughs, and maybe a few tears. It went above and beyond what I expected from any Men in Black movie ever, and visits places that I never would have imagined. I though it had some really clever moments, some incredible character development, and impressive action sequences. I'd give it a 8/10, definitely my favorite of the series. 

Slow Mo White and the Hunstman

I'm going to go into this saying that I really wanted to like this movie. I mean, REALLY, wanted to. I've been following production ever since I heard that Chris Hemsworth was going to be in a Snow White movie. (While we're talking about Hemsworth I'll just get this out here. HE WAS THOR AND IT WAS AWESOME.) The trailers only perked my interests more, and that mirror coming out of the wall only got me MORE excited. So you could say I had some expectations for the film. That was my first mistake: Expecting something. I feel like if I hadn't had any preconceived notions about the movie, I would have liked it more.

   Its hard to just break down the parts of Snow White because there is some great work, there's some mediocre stuff, and then there is some downright crap. So I'll steal a format from a blog I read (The Human Scorch you're interested) and break it down into the Good, the Meh, and the Bad. We'll start with the good.

The Good

There was a lot of stuff that I actually liked in the movie (That's right Transformer's fans. I like stuff) 

-Charlize Theron/ The Evil Queen

Just look at her! The woman radiates hate. The reason I liked The Queen so much is because they gave her a REASON to be evil. She has motivation. It wasn't "Well, her name has Evil in it right? She's gotta be evil." They made me think what I would do if I had been in her shoes. (Heels?) Also, Charlize Theron is great in almost everything, and she is just downright gorgeous. She gave the best performance of the movie, and made it able to sit through.

Ultimate Thor?

-Hemsworth

I'm not going to lie, I thought that Hemsworth would just be playing Thor in a different universe. Boy was I wrong. His character was really poorly written, and he didn't have much to work with dialogue wise, but he gave a splendid performance, and he is just downright gorgeous. I was really impressed with a monologue he gives near the end of the movie, it had me tearing up. Fair, its not hard to do, but after the mood this movie put me in, I thought I would only cry if I looked up the run time.

The only other thing I like would spoil the only part of the movie that I actually cared about so I'll hold off for that. Lets just say there was a writing move that was incredibly smart but also obvious.

The Meh

I'm about to blow all of your minds...

-Kristen Stewart

That's right ladies and gents, Kristen Stewart get a "meh." She was not half bad, and needless to say,  I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't absolutely hate her like I did in Twilight, but she didn't give a good performance. I was among the many skeptics of Kristen Stewart as Snow White, and I was proved wrong. She made the role her own and even though I wasn't crazy about what she did with it, she did what she could with the awkward writing and I was content. 

This may be wrong...

-The Dwarves

These (Not really) little guys were the most fun the movie allowed itself to have. While their entrance is really late, when they do enter, you pay attention to nothing else. My main problem lies with their lack of use. They were kind of just...there. They show up, you like it, and then you wonder when they'll become relevent. Spoiler Alert: They don't. The performances were great, the costumes were unsettling but brilliant, they just weren't used in anyway at all, and it felt like they were only there because they had to be. 

-The Action

For a movie that marketed itself as a gritty, dark retelling, the grittiness and darkness were kept pretty low. I mean, yes, there are action sequences (That are drawn out by ridiculous amounts of slow mo.) They're all pretty basic and nothing too impressive. Most of the time I was thinking "What is this black glass and where is it coming from?" I wasn't disappointed with the amount of action, I was disappointed that it was all so unoriginal. Nothing spectacular happens, I seriously almost fell asleep in one of the "action" sequences. 

The Bad

-Basic Storytelling

Here's how things usually progress in a movie.

1.Something is shown, or hinted at but never explained.

2. The thing is explained and it provides insight to a character or adds an element to the plot.

Here's how it goes in Snow White and the Huntsman.

1. Something is shown, or hinted at but never explained.

There are so many great B-plots running throughout this movie and none of it is ever explored. I got invested in so many interesting elements in the story, and then I get no explanation what so ever. The best example I can think of is the Queen's backstory. The dialogue makes many references to why she does what she does, we even get a cool flashback sequence of her childhood, and then the whole things is dropped and never revisited. There were a lot of really predictable story elements that took up more time than needed and the potentially cool elements took backseat. 

Romance can only be SO interesting!

"I've had enough with the Hawkeye jokes."

-William  

Who is this guy and why was he here? He provided nothing to the plot, not a darn thing. He was there to shoot a bow, so instead of cool axe work by the Hunstman we get arrow shooting, and not cool arrow shooting, just basic archery. I thought he might cause a love triangle between Snow White, The Huntsman (Thats his name.) and William, but if it did, they picked it up for like a minute and a half then dropped it.

"You know I had to appear in the bad section, right?"

-Snow White

Why is she so darn special? I was never told why Snow White was the only way for the Queen to fail. There was nothing spectacular about her birth , no spell, no enchantment, no connection between her and the Queen what so ever! One of the dwarves says "She is life." (Or something like that.) Why? She has nothing special about her! The only thing that they mention setting her apart from other people is her beauty, and if that saves lives then Charlize Theron should have been the one saving people! Not that Kristen Stewart isn't attractive, I just wouldn't be able to close her mouth, and not because she talks a lot, she just doesn't seem to have the ability to close it. 

-SLOW MOTION 

Whoever directed this jumbled mess must have gone to the Michael Bay School of Art and majored in slow  mo. It was used in every fight scene. It gets old within the first 15 minutes of the movie and it just keeps coming. There was one fight that had a slow motion hit, five seconds of normal speed fighting, and then more slow mo. It drove me absolutely insane.

All in all, not a horrible movie, I would rather watch it than Battleship (Before you ask, No.) but I wish I hadn't spent 7 dollars on it. I really can't suggest this to many people because the different parts of it are so ranged in quality. Chris Hemsworth fans go, I'm sure Twilight fans would eat this crap up (even though there are no shirtless wolves.) and if you like being bored for 50% of a movie, you'll enjoy Snow White and the Huntsman. This guy didn't enjoy it, and gives it a whopping 5/10. Next up. Men in Black 3, or is it Men in Black Cubed? 

Explosions! (A Film by Michael Bay)

Transformers is back and doing what it does best, insulting the audiences intelligence. Once again Michael Bay believes that if he shows enough things being ripped apart and blown up that I'll forget all about the plot hole that all the Primes could fly through at the same time. If you don't know what a plot hole is here's a definition: A plot hole, or plothole, is a gap or inconsistency in a storyline that goes against the flow of logic established by the story's plot, or constitutes a blatant omission of relevant information regarding the plot.

That definition pretty much sums up the whole Transformers movie franchise save this one. That movie was awesome.

Lets just look at "plot" for a second, this will be brief.

Humans discover an Autobot (good guys) ship on the moon that was carrying a very powerful Cybertronian, Sentinel Prime, and devices called "Columns" that act as a door to time and space. So they open a portal that teleports things. So the Autobots retrieve Sentinel and 5 of the "columns." But it was all a trap and Sentinel betrays the Autobots and joins the Decepticons (bad guys) so they can bring their home planet to earth and force the humans to rebuild it.

So...yeah, there's that. So lets look at some plot holes.

1. Where did the Decpticons get all these "Columns" and where are they keeping them?

So near the beginning of the film it shows Megatron and Starscream battered and bruised from their last battle. They have a small camp and are pretty much stripped down to nothing. Then at the end of the film, the Decepticons have hundreds of the Columns. Wait wait wait. What? You're telling me Megartron had hundreds maybe thousands of these things in that tiny camp? They were the only Decepticons on Earth so they had to have them. But they were never shown or talked about until the end of the film.

2. The government won't let Sam see his car because he doesn't have clearance, but at the end of the movie they are letting a random foreign bodyguard hack government systems?

You read it, I can't even explain it anymore than that.

3. Sentinel Prime declares Chicago secure only to be entered by about 100 humans and 10 robots.

So the bad guys are about to bring their plan all together! Chicago is theirs! Their home planet is almost arrived. "The city is secure!" says Sentinel Prime. Then 100 army troops and 10 giant robots enter the city unnocticed.



The next thing that bothered me is the attempt at humor. While it wasn't super offensive or gross in this film, it was still very distracting. For instance and NASA engineer on the Apollo 11 mission tells Sam about what they found on the Dark Side of the moon. He tries to be like Deep Throat, and pulls 2 guns on a Decepticon and dies a hero. Who do you think played this man? If you guessed that Asian guy from the Hangover, sadly, you are correct. Okay, Michael Bay, reason with me buddy. This man was giving Sam legit advice and doing cool stuff. Why do you have to make 4th grade homosexual jokes the whole time? How do you expect me to take this guy seriously?

The action was actually just mediocre. I was pretty mad when Autobots shot up innocent humans, the people they swore to protect. I was expecting a lot more, because the 2nd one had great action so I thought that this one would have taken a major step up. It was really just OK. The 3D wasn't spectacular. And the 1 major thing that made me the maddest was the Megatron fight. Megatron, the main villain for the whole Transformers franchise was defeated in 30 seconds. 3 strokes of a battle-axe and he was done.

So, overall really crappy movie. Stay away, save your money and if you want to see a good Transformers movie go get the 1986 animated version. I'll give it a 4/10 because I like the Transformers franchise minus the last 2 movies. And I'm happy that this is the last Shia/Michael Bay Transformers film.

"The battle is over, but the galaxy spaning adventures of the Transformers will continue and the greatest Autobot of them all-Optimus Prime-will return." -Transformers:The Movie (1986)

Sucker Punch

Chris Nolan meet your maker. Mr. Zack Snyder! The man is a genius and this film only proves it, he directed a film that was cheesy as Switzerland but the most visually stunning film I've ever laid eyes on until today. You probably kick things yelling this phrase and you'll know what movie I'm referring to: Now this film isn't a 360 from 300 its more like a 180, you'll see why.

First lets get the obvious out of the way, this movie was made to make money. It was the perfect plan put attractive young women wearing near to nothing and blow stuff up. How can you beat that well I'll tell you how, you make it question reality, and you make the movie realistic I'll admit that the only reason I went to see this was to see some of Snyder's work, as he will be directing the nearest and dearest franchise to my heart, Superman. After the first 30 minutes of this movie I was ready to give up and realize that the new Superman movie would be composed of nothing but action and thats not what Superman is about, but George Michael, not Arrested Development version, said once or maybe close to 100 times "You gotta have faith." Am I glad I took that catchy 80's song's advice.


Below Here is What happens in the Movie! Jump to the next bold sentence if you don't want anything to be spoiled!

The movie starts very suddenly i thought that it was another trailer until I saw the Title appear. So then the real fun begins our hero, Baby Doll, is taken to an Insane Asylum where she overhears the "warden" or something talking with her father about Baby Doll, "forgetting everything." We soon learn what he was talking about and Baby is under the needle ,literally, Jon Hamm is about to hammer a needle into her face, it called a lobotomy look it up. But just as soon as she is about to feel the needles point she takes of her wig and ages 15 years. What actually happens is Baby Doll has retreated far into her own subconscious and makes a world for herself, remember that phrase. She puts herself in a strip club, do I smell more $$$? She is being forced to dance there and meets 4 other "dancers" Rocket, Amber, Blondie, and Sweet Pea. Now we see all these girls in the Asylum before Baby has retreated into her mind. Now when Baby Doll is forced to dance she goes further into her subconscious, she is using her imagination.



Then comes Level 1...erm I mean the first fight scene. Now is where it gets good. Baby meets a strang man that look like a David Carradine imposter. He gives Baby her weapons and tells her that her journey has begun. Then 3 giant monsters come out of nowhere and start attacking and the Stranger leaves him with these words, "And one more thing: Defend yourself." Then begins the most stylistic, realistic, beautiful, artistic, and a thousand other adjectives, fight scene that I've even seen. You want more but it all ends too quickly. After the three monsters are defeated the stranger tells Baby that she need 5 things fire, a knife, a map, a key, and a mystery thing that only she can achieve. Now it really is a Video Game but I s wear if it ended like this I would shoot someone in the face.



Then she come back to "reality" and everyone is clapping. Apparently she's given the most raw and beautiful dance that anyone has even seen so she figures she can use that ability to get the 5 items. She remembers seeing 4 of the items and recruits the other 4 girls to help her get them. Then ensues the next 3 levels, exposition on how they will get the item, a fight scene that is a metaphor for Baby Doll's dancing and the other's stealing the item, then the "warden" guy in his new club owner form trying to figure out what the heck is going on. Another thing that remains the same is the man that gave Baby her weapons gives the whole team orders and their mission objective. It may seem repetitive but the fight scenes make it worth it, every fight scene is based off a popular movie or something. We already had a Kung-Fu movie fight, then we have a sci-fi robot fight that references iRobot and Terminator (minus Ahnold)a WWII with Nazi Zombies fight, then in the best knock of of anything I've seen in my life a Lord of the Rings fight.

So they have the knife, fire, and the map. Here's where some serious acting chops come out of all parties. So Warden/Club Owner figures out their plan and Rocket gets killed. Everyone freaks out and realizes that the warden/owner knows they're plan and everyone cries. They sit there and cry. Its the most tense I've ever been in a movie before. They are all alone, isolation is the only word I can think of. Well Baby Doll is about to be sold to some "Highroller" who is Jon Hamm's uncontentious alter ego. Ths warden/Owner figures out the escape plan and kills everyone minus Baby and Sweet Pea. And just as Warden/Owner gives some creepy speech about being in a sandbox and want to play with his toys he grabs Baby Doll and tries to rape her, but she delivers a cheesy one liner and stabs him in shoulder and grabs the key. 4/5 items, she makes a break gets Sweet Pea and the plan is in action, they start a fire to automatically open all electronically sealed doors and the 2 get outside. What happens for the last 20 minutes is the most mind blowing ending of a movie in the last year. There's a group of men outside and Baby realizes that she is the last item and sacrifices herself to save Sweet Pea.When the gets shot it flashed back to Jon Hamm hitting the needle into Baby's face. Making her forget everything. We then find out that everything that happened in Baby's mind happened in real life. The warden get caught making out with an unconscious Baby and is taken to jail but yo can tell that Baby's mind if gone. Then we see Sweet Pea getting on a bus and guess who the driver is? Yuo David Carradine look-a-like! He apparently knows all about the things that went on at the asylum and give Sweet Pea a free ride.




Okay You can start reading again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The movie leaves us with a message it asks who controls the world we live in? Who assigns the steps for the dance? Then it says one simple word. You!

The movie is solid. Its like a puzzle you don't have the box too. At first you struggle to understand what's happening but if you're patient you can figure it out. The visual effects are outstanding, and the acting is raw and real. But the one thing I like most about this movie was its realism. Die Hard is awesome because John McClaine is just a normal cop doing exta-normal things. So, people can retreat into their minds and visualize situations and help get them accomplished. Imagination is a lost art these days and this movie makes imagination cool again! I give this a good 9.5 out of 10 go see it if your on the fence just be ready to think and let your mind melt with another's imagination.


"Who chains us... and who holds the key that can set us free? It's you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!" -Sweet Pea

One more Comic Reference and my Megamind will explode

Am I allowed to call this a superhero movie? If so, this is the best one this year. Beats Iron Man 2, beats...I'm drawing a blank because they've just been forgettable. This one is impressive and a little dark coming from the usually crazy, fart joke central Dreamworks. Megamind gives Pixar a run for their money. There I said it, Dreamworks may be catching up to Pixar. (See my Toy Story 3 review for an example of my Pixar worship)

First off lets get the technical out on the board. The animation is really smooth, and it blows my mind how close animation can get to being realistic while staying cartoon-y. Metro City looks amazing, bright, maybe even a gold tint, while our hero Metroman is reining. Then our villain takes control and everything goes blue. I'm being literal, the whole city is blue all the time. Now Megamind doesn't paint EVERYTHING blue that would be ridiculous. The whole city just takes a dark tint. There are some action scenes that are very cinematic and cool to see since they could never be pulled off in live action, and they are shown very realistically.

I can't really say much about the acting because its voice acting. Will Ferrell doesn't just scream the whole time, and there is one very dramatic scene that is voiced very well by Mr. Ferrell. Tina Fey is a good snarky person we see that in Liz Lemon sometimes, and definitely on Weekend Updates from back in the day. She's only a damsel in distress once the rest of the time she's an impatient woman who's never in real danger. Brad Pitt is pretty good at being the conceited Superman-esque hero...err...antagonist. I'm not even sure what to call him but he has a really jerkish voice, and coveys self-love well. Jonah Hill gives the performance of the movie as hopeless, bum kid Hal who has been turned into the hero-turned-villain Tighten or Titan, once again I'm not sure. The beginning of the movie he's fast talking, and trying to when Roxanne's (Tina Fey) affection. Though the movie you can slowly see his patience running out then he hits point break and becomes our real villain, an actual threat this time.



Here's where the movie's strong point is, the plot. One the surface it sounds simple, villain kills his rival doesn't know what to do with his life and eventually becomes the hero. When you actually watch it there are more twists than a sock hop.




I won't spoil the ending here but I will reveal some twists so if you don't want to know go ahead and skip this paragraph. For you that remain, hold onto your hats. We start out on Megamind (Henceforth MM) falling from the sky talking about how this is turning out to be another one of his embarrassing losses. We then rewind to both MM and Metroman's planets being sucked into a black hole, they both reach Earth via Superman plot and of course Metroman gets a good home and MM is brought up in a prison. When they both go to school the children react to MM as any of us would to a blur alien with a cranium the size of John Goodman. He's never picked for games and no one respects his great inventions.

Through the years MM and Metroman fight and MM always loses. He soon escapes prison and completes a plan and kills Metroman. Now that's risky. This is a kids movie, superhero played for laughs and they kill of the good guy? In th first half hour? MM after a while of running the city MM has no purpose and makes a new superhero, Hal, the fat, lazy cameraman. MM trains Hal while dating Roxanne, under the disguise of the Metroman Museum care taker. To get there though, he loses Minion his only friend. Roxanne eventually finds out that she's dating Megamind and leaves him. Megamind is left with nothing. When Hal is ready he is given a suit, and becomes Titan, Metro City's new hero. One problem, Titan loved Roxxanne and saw MM in disguise on their date. He lets his emotions get the better of him and turn to the side of villainy with only one man to stop him, Megamind.

After failed attempts Megamind and Roxanne, now a team, decide to raid Metroman's old lair to see if they can find a way to stop Titan since it is Metroman's power. What they find is the 1st twist of the movie. Metroman alive and well working on his music career. He's retired from the hero game and tells Megamind that he needs to form his own destiny. That was the only thing that really made me doubt this movie. The risky plot of killing the good guy is retconned but it works back in later. In "an epic battle between good an evil" Titan come out the victor. Supposedly killing MM with a building. Titan hurls a bus at Roxxy and who saves her? Metroman! Coming back to the game by helping his city one last time. When Roxxy checks on Megamind she finds out its Minion using the technology MM used to disguise himself as the museum curator. And is Metroman really back. No. Its Megamind, now falling through the air from the start of the movie. To shorten things up, MM takes Hal's powers and becomes the city's protector.

Dad' gum' that was a long explanation. So, the movie has a lot of great character development and twists and turns to keep you interested. A lot of humor for you're kids to enjoy and a whole bunch of superhero references for kids like me. The only character that didn't have a change through the story was Roxxane but the other characters make up for it. So total score out of 10. I'm gonna say 9, its a nearly perfect film. Definitely check it out.